News about Jason and Molly ... if you care

Eewww. Former Bachelor Creep-o, Jason Mesnick, and his "lucky" fiance, Molly-I-don't-know-her-last-name (nor do I care to find out), are set to wed on March 8th. And I hope you're sitting down, because guess what ... they're going to do so on national TV! Surprise, surprise.

I'm sure I'll probably end up watching, even though these two make me want to stab myself in the eye with a rusty spoon. How about you? Will you support this holy union?

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American Idol Season 9 Dallas Auditions: Serenity Now ... Time to Focus on the Talent (Recap)

As I sit and drink my vanilla chai tea, while a sweet sleeping teacup poodle lies peacefully on my chest, I feel a sense of calm about me. So I have decided to write about the Dallas installment of Idol with just that -- a sense of calm. Especially after enduring the LA judges' panel ugliness and overdosing on circus-worthy auditions, I need a little normalcy. And despite the producer's sad attempt to stage an O.K. Corral reenactment between Neil Patrick Harris and Sime Cowell, I say it's high time to focus on the contestants. Remember them?


I'm even going to set aside my usual Kara-bashing banter because after seeing her somewhat subdued behavior throughout the first quarter of the show, I found myself feeling sorry for her; I sensed that she must still be worn out from the Katy "go ef your girl power" Perry beat down.

So without further ado, here are my four note-worthy contestants of the night:

1. Barney Girl Done Got Herself a Whip and She's All Growns Up. Erica Rhodes, who was a self-described "child-like"(?) star on Barney & Friends (I thought she was a child then) auditioned to En Vogue's "Free Your Mind" -- complete with a whip, black dominatrix skin-tight mini and Edward Scissorhand-esque boots. And who could blame her? She was just trying to send the message that "Barney kids grow up." To which NPH hilariously punctuated: "To be dirty little girls." And speaking of hilariousness during this audition, did any of you fellow Idol-Addicts happen to catch what Simon muffled after asking her "What's the big dream here?" Despite my five rewinds, I just couldn't decipher. And despite the somewhat disturbed feeling I took away from Erica's audition (and her, in my opinion, meek voice), the judges put her through to Hollywood because of her looks, I mean, brave effort.


2. A Weird Elephant in the Room? Dave Pittman, who competently sang Sam Cooke's "Bring It on Home to Me" will probably be remembered more so if I say he was the one with Tourette syndrome. Even though he stated from the get-go to the camera that it's a miracle it doesn't show when he sings, I'll admit that I found myself waiting for the slightest traces of it. And I fear that I will be doing this from here on out with him. While he really didn't show any signs during his actual song, NPH laid it on out there by asking, "Weird elephant in the room -- do you have Tourettes?" First of all, what if Dave didn't? Secondly, wouldn't this be something that is indicated on the judges' little bio sheets they constantly glance at as contestants step onto the audition-stage floor? But I digress. NPH thinks Pittman is "crazy brave" and Sime thinks people will like him. But Randy offered up the best critique, eloquently saying "Dude, I'm gonna say yes." Oh wait, I guess he didn't. Nonetheless, Dave Pittman is through to Hollywood.


3. A Clever Ditty Wins With Bitty (a nickname of mine). Yes, I am partial to the creative little ditties that every once in a while surface during the Idol auditions. Todrick Hall is an excellent example of this. "Todrick is my name, and I'm here to play a part in your game. Hopped a plane, took a train just to claim my 15 minutes of fame . . . " His audition kind of reminded me of last season's Leneshe, who sang her self-penned little ditty, "Nati." Remember her? Although I think somewhere in his song Todrick referred to Randy as a "bump on a log," Buffoon Number Two (oops! sorry, I mean Mr. Jackson) found it to be "cute." Let me say that again. "Cute." Yes, "cute" was the word the dawg, who sported a t-shirt that read "Dude.", used to describe the likable Todrick's audition. Despite guest judge, Joe Jonas, looking less than impressed, Mr. Hall is through to Hollywood.

4. I'm Confused. Am I in Agreement with Kara's "Confused" Comment? My last note-worthy contestant of the night is Maegan Wright (wore a t-shirt that read "Break the Rules"). She also had the adorable, supportive little brother who "raised the roof" for her. Maegan sang "To Make You Feel My Love," and I'm wondering if I'm becoming delusional because I kind of liked when Kara (notice, I'm calling her Kara?) said she was "confused" by Maegan's audition. I was a bit confused by her too! Although, something tells me Kara's depth went as far as being confused my Maegan's wardrobe. Kindly telling Maegan that when she walked in, she thought she'd be a "joke," Kara found herself colored confused once Maegan "opened her mouth." I, on the other hand, was more confused with Maegan's unexpected phrasing. I noticed this as soon as she changed "face" ("when the rain is blowin' in your face") to a minor note. And although it was a little rushed in parts, I surprisingly found myself very pleased with Ms. Maegan's performance.


So what say you? Who were your favorites of the night? And I'm sorry, but I gotta do it: What was up with Kara ridiculing Vanessa Wright (hot pink outfit girl) for doing a "Britney thing" with her head. I'm sorry, don't you do that pretty much every other audition, Kara?! Especially to the ones you like?! Oh, no. Getting worked up. Serenity now, Elizabeth. Okay. All better. And what did you think about Christian Spear (the last girl of the night who is also a Leukemia survivor)? As much as I really wanted to like her, I wasn't crazy about the whole Melinda Doolittle-like gestures she was doing with her head and hands. That's it for now. 'Til next week!

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American Idol Season 9 Los Angeles Auditions: It's a Judges' Panel Chick Fight! ... Nevermind Those Pesky Contestants. (Recap)

In a world of Idol where judges offer up dim-witted puns as opposed to sound and (dare I say it) helpful critiques so that they may come across as more clever, where they overly "jam" and sway all the while a poor little contestant auditions (which is probably the biggest moment of his or her life thus far, mind you) and where quite simply, they try and make it all about them (helicopter arrivals, anyone?) -- it is nice when a guest judge swoops in and biz-nitch slaps their buffoonery upside the head.


May I give you one Ms. Katy Perry. Wow. Though she may look like a pretty little package, do not be fooled. Katy Perry is that mean, popular girl who tells it like it is without a moment's hesitation, and Kara is the wannabe who is left scrambling to look cool.

• Exhibit A: Kara (pulling a classic Pun Queen move) -- "Katy, are you hot or are you cold to [insert contestant's name]?" To which Ms. Perry mimics a drum roll with a total "wow, that is soooo original -- I've never heard that before, dumb***" look on her face. Strike one, Kara.
• Exhibit B: Kara asks, "What happened to girl power?" and proceeds to sing "I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It." To which Ms. Perry (without even flinching) replies, "Please stop or I'll have to throw my Coke in your face." Day-um! Strike two, Kara.
• Exhibit C: Kara, in a last-ditch effort, tries to offer up a real thoughtful critique at the end of the night, after Chris Golightly's performance: "Chris, you're one of my favorites today, if not my favorite. And, and the reason is that I think that we may look back at this audition and go, um, (pause) wow. Because you're the kind of kid who has just enough talent and just enough of a story and pain and stuff that you've gone though in your life to really connect with it." To which Ms. Perry astutely points out, "This is not a Lifetime movie, sweetheart." Yowzas! Break out the cat claws! Strike three, Kara.

Alas, with nothing left, Kara goes into her gangsta mode (something she did twice tonight), rolling her head around, saying "Well you told me!" (Um, yeah, Kara. Actually, she really did. But don't worry, you'll always have Buffoon Number Two to fawn all over. Did anyone else notice Randy picking up on the Kara talk? "Go lightly, Chris." Buffoon Number One probably thinking, "Now why didn't I think of that pun?") So I guess the verdict here is that while apparently pepperoni sandwiches are in, girl power is so definitely out. What may be an even more important lesson to take away from tonight's episode is that critiques are good ... just make sure you have a logical and original point of view!
Hell, even Avril Lavigne (who is probably 10 years Kara's junior and even more so Randy's) offered up better critiques. May I present Mary Powers' audition (rocker Pat Benetar chick):

• Avril: "You do have a character to your voice, a cool tone, it's raspy, and it is punk rock, so I think it's cool."
• Kara: "Rock it girl."
• Randy: "Little girl, big voice. Cool."

Now I ask you, whose critique had a little more weight to it? But wait! Kara did compare the ridiculous Austin Fullmer to rock legend, Mick Jagger. I digress.

If you're thinking by now, enough about the judges and Kara-bashing, Elizabeth -- isn't this show about the contestants? I reply, one would certainly hope! But despite there being 22 golden tickets awarded, there really was only one standout to me. (Not surprising given the fact that they only showed about three good performances.) Now if you have read the post immediatly preceding this one, you will not be shocked when I declare that Andrew Garcia was by far the star of the night. (Sorry DioGuardi.)

Garcia uniquely chose to sing "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5. And I say his vocals stand alone! (The back story about him growing up around gangs, his cute and supportive dad, and the fact that Andrew just wants to provide a good life for his family was simply the icing on the cake.) Sime approved him as a "genuinely genuinely good singer." Sime also said "I can tell you like music. Good song choice." YES! YES! YES! It is about the music. And if this guy is going to go far in this competition as I am banking on, two of the most important qualities he can possess are a passion for music as well as the ability to make smart song choices (Kris Allen, anyone?). (I would be amiss if I didn't mention Buffoon Number Two's take on Garcia here, who almost revived the stale ol' phone book comparison. "It's like I always say. If you can sing, you can sing anything." Noooo, Randy! Don't do it!)

So what did you think of the night? Was the show upstaged by the judges? And did you love the Katy smack down or are you siding with the unpopular Kara? How about Avril's cat ears? Did Jason Greene make you feel equally as dirty as he did for Ms. Perry? Which reminds me, how great was it when he handed Seacrest his phone number saying, "Call me, Ryan. Anytime. I'm serious." Did you think Neil Goldstein (first audition of the night) was perhaps a serial killer in his former life as soon as you saw him looking blankly at his reflection, absently drawing a heart with lipstick on the mirror? And how 'bout those cameos?! Did anyone else notice the Sanjaya crying girl right off the bat like me? And did anyone else catch the hidden cameo by a former Project Runway contestant?! WTF? He must need work! Do weigh in below on these pressing issues. Meanwhile, I'm going to go say a prayer, thanking the Lord he brought Ms. Katy Perry into my life.

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American Idol Tonight: I Shall See Stars in LA Auditioner Andrew Garcia

Call it a hunch -- call it a gut instinct -- but there is a guy by the name of Andrew Garcia who we will see sing his little heart out tonight at the Los Angeles round of auditions. (I saw him in the promos last week.) This cat has officially caught my eye . . . something about him. He intrigues me so much, that I am throwing this post up, touting him as someone who I think will go very far in this competition . . . (maybe even all the way?).

I don't do this kind of thing often, Andrew (Mr. Lambert aside), so please make me be the first blogger to have already predicted the Next. American. Idol.

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Look-A-Like of the Week

Left: Former Celebrity Apprentice contestant (what else does she do?) Brande Roderick

Right: Ashleigh, who is currently vying for Jake's love on The Bachelor

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The Jersey Shore ... May I Have Some More (please)?

Well since MTV viewers gave The Jersey Shore two big fist pumps up (the season finale brought in 4.8 million viewers, which is more than tripled the audience of the series debut), there has not surprisingly been talks of a season 2.

Only this time, the lovable guidos and guidettes are demanding $10,000 each an episode (quite the raise from the couple hundred they received for season 1). But the network isn't so sure yet. Something tells me though that Snickers and company will be the ones committing the robbery. (If you don't speak nu-joisey like me, that means the new-found stars will prevail.)

Yeah, the greed kind of turns me off, but you know you'll watch (as will I)! How can you not love this shiz? With the exception of the insanely jealous Sammi Sweetheart, I find these kids to be friggin' awesome and high-larious. I just hope it maintains its rawness and doesn't become a trashier reincarnate of The Hills.

(By the way, if you don't watch, like or support this show, please don't look down upon me. For I know not what I do. Sincerely, E-PoW.)

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Yikes!

So I ran across this picture on TMZ.com, and I sincerely apologize, but I just had to share it with you. I mean, how scary IS this? So many things wrong with it ....

Kristin thinks: Oh what a cute contestant.
Kara thinks: I think I just found me dinner for tonight. Yum.

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American Idol Season 9 Orlando Auditions: Trying to Find My Happy Place (Recap)

As I have been slightly (in Simon terms) "underwhelmed" with the Idol auditions of late, here's a new, fun little game I like to play. It's called: "Let's see how many times Pun Queen thinks she's funny by coming up with creative little plays on words (i.e., "boob-boxing") and/or by taking a song's title or lyrics and using same in witty little ways." In case you were wondering -- yes, I invented this game. And for those of you who might also be wondering who Pun Queen is, I'll give you a hint ... her mom makes a "mean saw-us." (Keep saying it. You'll get it.)

Alright. It's showtime!

24 minutes in, and I have grown worried as my ears have yet to hear the clever banter I have come to love. Ah -- there it is -- our first one of the night, folks!: "Jermaine -- you got something to smile about." (He made it through to Hollywood and he sang ... I'll give you one guess ... "Smile"!)

Waiting for more ... waiting for more. Oh my word -- the show is over and I only have one for my list! Could it be? It is at this point I realize Pun Queen has toyed with my emotions. How about we play another game so that I may fill some of this emptiness caused by that saucy little Queen? It's called:

"Let's try and pinpoint our most uncomfortable moment of the night":

1. Was it Randy telling Shelby Dressel they were kind of afraid of her? (She had a birth defect.)

2. Was it Mirror Eyeball Superhero man's friend claiming to be his "work assistant" and Ryan's strange reaction to it?

3. Was it Ryan picking the little round mirrors off of a sweaty Mirror Eyeball Superhero man's face?

4. Was it how hard Cornelius Edwards hit the ground, thereby splitting his pants? Guess they don't call them the splits for nothing.

5. Was it the song choice of "Fix You" that the producers decided to play during the whole background introduction package for the dad with an autistic son?

6. OR, was it the entire footage of "Amazing Grace" singer Jarrod Norrell getting cuffed as he lay on the ground and the uncomfortable exit scene that followed?

I'm going to have to go with #6, folks. My skin kind of crawled. For a second, I thought they were going to taser the fellow!

Feel free to ponder -- meanwhile, I shall leave you with a little more food for thought: Who are your ones to watch? I would have to say Janell Wheeler (a Scarlett Johansson look-a-like who sang "House of the Rising Sun") or Brittany Starr James (an Asia Epperson look-a-like who sang "American Boy"); who had the funnier audition of the night: Jay Stone with his sweet beat-boxing to The Beatles classic "Come Together" or that of the Jersey sisters? Although I would not to like to live in the same house as those gals, I could be an adopted guidette. They could call me E-Pow; lastly, just where the heck was Kristen Chenoweth? Both the first and second day of auditions? I'm still longing for more Shania!

You may have won the battle, sauce girl, but I shall win the war.

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American Idol Season 9 Chicago Auditions: Shania in Shy-Town, Less Talent. More Weirdo. (Recap)

Let me start off by saying ... is it too late for the producers to replace Ellen with Shania? Homegirl killed her guest judge spot! If not Ellen, how about Kara? Or even Randy for that matter? Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed Shania, who proved to be a much needed breath of fresh air after stale Posh "the only word in my vocab is 'nice'" Spice and Mary "no nonsense" J. Blige. "Syrup and honey by duffy ... yum." The lights are off ... "but some one's home!" "You have a beautiful bottom end." Shania -- no need for any more -- you had me at yum.

I suppose we needed to find the talent somewhere in Chicago, as it was not coming from the pour souls who auditioned. Amy Lang (the girl who had her first celebrity inappropriate dream about Seacrest ... Seacrest!) and Harold Davis (the "Rocky" theme song played in his introduction clip) should have been auditioning for Broadway rather than Idol -- Lang faked a Marie Osmond faint while Davis walked away with some non-convincing tears. At least DioGuardi got her much-needed "I said something clever" fix tonight through Lang: "Randy, she's boob-boxing! She's boob-boxing!" And Davis gave us one of the funniest quotes of the night: "I'm tired of eatin' microwave dinners. I wanna eat steak."


The biggest weirdo award of the night, however, deserves to go to Brian Krause. In case you don't recognize the name -- he's the one who creepily sang Tiny Tim's "Tip Toe Through the Tulips." Wow. This guy. This is not my kind of guy. Reminding me somewhat of a cross between a gopher and a lizard, he replaced words ending in "p" with the letter "f" ("I used to sing for the troofs."). I don't know. All I know is that every time I looked at him, the only thing I could think of was the movie "Groundhog Day." I'm sorry guys, I know it's mean, but come on. ("Screw you Sergeant Heart -- I'm the next American Idol." I just had to get that gem in somewhere.)


On the other hand, some of those who stood out in a good way were Charity Vance (she sang "Summertime") and the girl who just won't quit despite all the travesty in her life, Angela Martin. I wanted to glance at the "spoiler list" (which I am only vaguely familiar with) to see if these girls make it past Hollywood Week, but I won't. Must keep the element of surprise for myself, thank you very much.


So I now leave you with these pressing questions: How did you feel about Shy-Town? Were you as impressed with Shania as I was? When did Randy start calling Simon "Sime"? Did Kara bother you considerably extra tonight as she did me? It was as if she had a clever word play quota to meet -- "It's like your song Shania! That don't impress me much." "Tip Toe out that way." And let us not forget "She's boob-boxing, Randy! Boob-boxing!" Give me more Shania. In fact, can we just call it Shania-Town? (Eat your heart out, DioGuardi!)

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Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers ... Bah Humbug

I feel your pain, Jake.

Well, folks -- the spoilers are out there. And I'm talking about some major ones. As most of you may know, a certain blogger by the name of realitysteve has already predicted who Bachelor Jake's

lucky(?) lady will be. Yes, I know Mr. Steve's prediction, and you better believe I ran to bodog's gaming room to see if this was an available bet. I think I would have bet the house given the accuracy of realitysteve's past predictions, but, alas, it was not a bet to be had. (Sigh.) Furthermore, I now find it pointless to put up a "Who will receive the final rose?" poll. (Double sigh.)

Ever the optimist, however, I quickly got over my Bachelor woes and thought to myself: Alright Elizabeth -- Realitysteve has insiders over there at ABC. You expected this. Buck up little tiger. You can still hold out hope for an untainted American Idol, right? ... Right?!

Well you can imagine my surprise when I recently read who the supposed top 24 are! Some surprised me. Most I have not "met" yet. One in particular caused my stomach to churn as I sat on my couch and watched him courtesy his MySpace page. (Let's just say I witnessed him singing "All Summer Long" by Kid Rock. Indeed, my face is still scrunched in a disturbed and misshapen form as I type these very words.)

This little Idol news was handed to me yesterday. Well ... maybe handed is the wrong word here. I might have found myself a bit bored come 10:00 last night. And ... I might have done a little Web-perusing, looking for juicy Idol tidbits, to fill such void. I mean, is it MY fault if my little finger has a mind of its own, having no choice but to click a link that happens to have a spoiler disclaimer? Surely not, I say.

Just felt the need to vent a little. [And don't worry ... for those of you who like your spoiler thrills, I will be posting some throughout the Idol season ... with links, mind you!]

Ah hell, if you wanna see who the possible lucky 24 are (only 21 listed), click here.

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Just L-I-V-I-N the Dream

In case you missed it, click above to watch "General" Larry Platt's performance of his smash hit, "Pants on the Ground" on The View. (Love the Brett Favre locker room part as well as Larry giving the thumbs up for just a little too long during the interview segment. I could just eat him!)

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Look-A-Like of the Week!

It's time for the Look-A-Like of the week again! (I'll try and have one for you every Monday.)

Left: Actress, Jodie Foster

Right: "I'm going to boil your bunny" Michelle, from The Bachelor

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The Little Ditty that Just Won't Quitty: Larry Platt's "Pants On The Ground"

Getting more than his 15 minutes, "Pants on the Ground" (and I use this next term loosely) songwriter, "General" Larry Platt, will be on The View this Monday. Be honest, you know you sung the song to yourself at least once today. Now I might tune in for Larry, but count me out once the hyenas chime in.

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American Idol's Season 9 (and 8) Justin Williams ... Now This is Interesting

So I came across some scoops on AI's season 9, Justin Williams -- a contestant already receiving attention due to his standout "Feeling Good" Boston audition and back story (he's a cancer survivor). What I know (and maybe you do too) is that Justin Williams was also a season 8 Hollywood Week contender. In fact, he was in the group "White Chocolate." You remember ... that cool group who did the a cappella version of Michael Jackson's "I Want You Back." The one that also starred Matt Giraud and season 8 winner, Kris Allen? Yeah. That one. In case you are still scratching your head, click here.

Now I was curious as to why AI chose to completely ignore this little tidbit, introducing Williams three nights ago as if he was a complete stranger. I mean, don't they usually point out when a failed contestant of yesterday comes back and tries, tries again? The answer is yes. Sure they do! So why not do this with Williams?


After a little digging, I found that apparently there was controversy surrounding the reason why Williams did not survive season 8's Hollywood Week. Now perhaps it was simply because he was overshadowed by Giraud and Allen. (Which may very well be true. His recent season 9 audition undoubtedly trumps the role he played as a member of "White Chocolate.")


However, there might be another (dirtier) reason behind it -- a reason regarding a violation of AI's strict non-disclosure policy. And at the heart of it is an innocent stay-at-home mom by the name of Kristy who, like myself, just happens to have a passion for Idol and enjoys blogging her thoughts on it. A bit of a timeline for you:


8/7/08 - Kristy posts a blog simply wondering when Idol season 8 will air. Sometime in mid-January of 2009 she speculates.


11/12/08 - A guy by the name of Dan Adkins comments on her 8/7/08 post claiming "My bro Justin Williams will be in the finals for this year’s American Idol for sure. He is the man…..Best of luck brother…..God bless you and your success! In Christ your brother the Adkins family 24 in Gilbert, AZ!"
That same day as this comment, Kristy is inspired to write this post based off the information supplied by Adkins. In it, she indicates Williams is a cancer survivor who she thinks is an amazing singer. She does not know him. She just finds him to be a " bit of a hottie" and posts a picture she found of him posing with his Aunt Christi (taken from Aunt Christi's family blog) as well as a public YouTube video of him singing.


12/7/08 - Kristi puts up this blog post, in which she indicates that several members of the Williams family clan are writing to her, claiming she is the reason Williams got kicked off the show! [Such comments include these gems from Aunt Christi herself: "You are causing a problem by posting this information about Justin. I demand you remove my picture and the Videos you have uploaded from my blog." "Remove my picture off this site NOW!!!!!! Christi"

Keep in mind, AI season 8 has not yet even aired, and Kristy, in no way related to Williams, notes that she has no insider information. She says that her original post on Williams simply stemmed from a comment by Dan Adkins, a visitor to her blog.


January 2009 - AI airs and we see that Williams doesn't make it past Hollywood Week.


February 2009 - The abuse of Kristy continues, and a series of comments are exchanged between Kristi and a woman by the name of Masa Fakuda (apparently someone who knows and has worked with Williams). Some of the highlights: (For the whole exchange, click here.)
M. Fakuda: What a disgrace, what a shame. You have ruined his chance to stay in the competition.
Kristy: I have done nothing wrong ... I have heard recently that American Idol is being real strict with the confidentiality agreement this year due to issues in the past ... I’m sorry this became an issue for Justin but I don’t see how it has anything to do with me.
M. Fakuda: ... American Idol contacted Justin and officially informed of his elimination due to the blogging by his extended family. You can’t really argue with that because IT IS A FACT and I am the first witness ... the best way to support those you love is to stay 100% silent until the show is actually on. That’s what we did, ... But don’t worry, you’ll never see him on AI again. He said he had enough with the Hollywood junk, and it wasn’t really the direction he wanted to go anyway.

 Really, M. Fakuda? Well then why am I seeing his mug (albeit a cute one) again on season 9? I guess that non-disclosure policy is only relevant for a year's time frame? Further, just who is this Dan Adkins? He sounds like the real spoiler to me. And why didn't producers point out that he is a cancer survivor last year? Is it because his entire battle with cancer occurred between then and now? (We already see that this isn't true.) So is it maybe because the producers had their sob story last year with Gokey and saved Williams to fill that slot this year?

Now don't get me wrong. I wish Justin well. He seems like a nice kid with mad skills. It's just if his family members are the type to try and shift blame by lashing out at a stay-at-home mom who is simply an Idol-blogging fan, well ... let's just say I have a bad taste in my mouth. And what is the real intent behind who gets "cast"? Something stinks in Idol land. And it ain't a crossover of pickle juice from Snookie's bed.

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American Idol Season 9 in Atlanta: Hotlanta Brings the Sob Story (and the Next William Hung?) (Recap)

Call yourself a cool cat, with the gold in your mouth, hat turned sideways, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground. Pants on the ground. Pants on the ground. Giddey-yup! -- Larry Platt (the next William Hung)

Sorry to those of you who may have just gotten that song out of your head, but I had to do it. I promise I won't do it again. Yes, last night did not disappoint in giving us a few highlights -- the major one being Vanessa Wolfe, "the country girl from the country," as Randy so cleverly ordained her (I guess he's good for something, right?).

Oh, Vanessa. Where do I begin? Let me count the ways you managed to turn me into a sobbing mess over my lunch break as I watched you, sitting on the edge of my couch, lookin' like a fool with my pants on the ground. (Oops. Sorry.) Was it the fact you got your hot pink dress for $4.50 from the dollar store? (By the way, did you run into Skeeeboski there? He's just like the dollar store, after all.) Was it your mom telling Seacrest, "Instead of butterflies, I got frogs."? Was it the thought of you sitting on that air-o-plane eatin' your little bag of peanuts (probably wearing your same hot pink dress) going to Hollywood, a place full of Heidi Montags and Paris Hiltons and other fame-who-ers who don't deserve the stuff you so do? Or was it the fact that you encapsulate everything there is to love about this gosh darn show? Yes, Vanessa. I think it is the latter. I hope you break free from Vonore, Tennessee and manage to fulfill your dreams. Because, Vanessa, just like your momma manages to do for you, you make me feel good.

And lookie there. From pants on the ground to a truly touching moment, this is what makes Idol so great. I feel so sentimental right now, I'm finding it hard to do my usual sassy question wrap-up, but here goes nothing:

What was your favorite moment of last night's episode? Did you understand a single word of what Skeeeboski said? Why is it every time they play "So Small," Elizabeth turns into a ball of mush? Did the "dit sisters'" eye makeup and well, their eyes in general, scare you as much as they did me? Was Holly Hardin really Kellie Pickler under the disguise of a guitar? And lastly, is it just me, or does Kara look like she's always staring at a big juicy steak when she sees a contestant she likes?

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The Mighty Idol is Upon Us!

Well hello there, my long-lost readers. I hope you are not too far gone from me, since we all had to endure the awful wanna-be shows (some even twice! SYTYCD, anyone?) during Idol's hiatus. I gotta admit -- I was somewhat worried last night. With Paula gone, news breaking of Simon's looming departure and the ever-present thought of "will this season even come close to last year's?" lurking in my mind, I have to say that when I turned on my TV at 8:00 last night, it was with some trepidation.

But then, all of that Idol excitement came rushing back as soon as I saw the Boston stadium filled with no-names declaring "No. I am the next American Idol!" All that gushy sentiment of how this show can turn an everyday Joe-Shmo into an Adam Lambert superstar began infusing my blood, getting my Idol heart all pumped up again.

Since I typically don't like to write full posts until we get it down to the top 13, I will leave you with a few audition standouts. As of now, the two I think have the most hope of outlasting the dreaded Hollywood week are Justin Williams (he beat cancer), and Katie Stevens (her grandmother has Alzheimer's). A potential black horse is that cool-cat Tyler Grady (Posh Spice really liked his jeans).

Williams, singing "Feeling Good," was actually quite that -- good. But is it wrong that I may have had only thoughts of someone else singing that same song, in a white suit, ascending the hot pink steps of Heaven while this second-rate fiddle sang? Nevertheless, Williams just might be this year's Matt Giraud. (Just stay away from the fedoras, Justin!) Ms. Stevens definitely had that smoky vocal prowess to which I am partial. Was that an original song she was playing for her grandma on the keyboard I wonder? Grady, wearing what seemed to be a costume-y-shtick, proved that you can't judge a book by its cover, delivering a pitch-perfect rendition of "Let's Get It On."

So who were your stand-outs? I thought I would feel Paula's absence, but am pleased to say, I almost completely forgot about her! After all, I was laughing at Simon's witty expressions ("I would like to fly to the moon, but I can't." ... "Oh wait, I could."), the cleverly produced segments of ousted contestants (everyone staring at the you-know-what of the Mariah Carey-dressed, fledgling songstress as she exited in slow-mo), and the amount of times Victoria Beckham could use the word "nice." (How 'bout that headband?!) Oh, just typing all of this is so very exciting. I can't wait to see what this season has in store for us! Who's in?

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