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American Idol Elvis Night: I'm Caught in a Season 9 Trap ... I Wanna Walk Out. (Recap)

(Yes, Elvis definitely left the building last night.  Particularly when Aaron donned his blue suede shoes.)

Hey, can anyone tell me - what the heck was Seacrest on last night?!  Did he find Paula's stash?  I mean, from inappropriate tongue references to Mr. Adam Lambert (in front of his mother, mind you) to random slow dancing with former season 8 contestants (yes, that was Michael Sarver) to untimely jokes about his former co-host (um, didn't Brian Dunkleman leave like after season 1(!)?) ... the giddy little host definitely made me feel slightly uncomfortable on at least four occasions last night.  But then again, so did many of our season 9 contestants.  Because with the exception of Bowersox and Lee Dewyze, I think the Idols (and Seacrest and judges) may have caused Elvis to roll over in his grave more than once last night.

Seriously, will our next American Idol be TURBAN?!?!  Guess "Teflon Tim" didn't quite stick.  Really, Ryan?  TURBAN?!  Two major annoyances with Tim's performance last night of "Can't Help Falling in Love":  1) Tim blatantly ignores Adam's advice and does not end the sweet song in a falsetto.  Wrong!  But this wrong was not as blasphemous as that of the judges, who seemingly want to propel this wide-eyed, yet utterly clueless Zac Efron wannabe into the Idol throne.  Ellen wants to give him another hug.  (Oy veh.)  Kara says it's her favorite (Tim) performance.  (Oh this again.  Really?!)  But wait.  The best is yet to come.  Yes, Cowell incredulously states - Tim has gone from zero to ha-ha-ha (wait for it ... I'll get it out, I promise) ... Hero!!  W.T.F., brother Cowell.  W.T.F.

You know, I'm glancing over the rest of my notes, and last night was so bleh that I think I'm just going to wrap up the rest in a song.  I sing to you, Idol, set to the tune of Elvis' "Suspicious Minds."

 I'm caught in a trap.
I can't walk out.
Because I've loved Idol too much baby.

Why can't you see.  (Tim.)
What you're doing to me
When you don't hear a word I say?

We can't go on together. (season 9)
With boring numbers.  (Aaron.)
And we can't build our dreams. (Andrew.)
On cheesy ditties.

So if an old friend I know.  (Adam.)
Drops by to mentor, behold.
You should heed his expert advice.  (Turban.)

But here we go again.
Lee too afraid to grab that win.
You can't see the tears I'm crying.

Oh let my Idol love survive.
Please, Crystal dry the tears from my eyes.
Let's don't let a good thing die.  (Casey.)

When Mamasox, you know
I've never spoken ill of you
Mmm yeah, yeah if you go I will too.

We can't go on together. (season 9)
With fake tough-girl impersonations.  (Katie.)
And we can't build our dreams. (Siobhan.)
On inconsistencies.

Why can't you see.  (Ken Warwick)
What you've done to me.  (Elizabeth.)
When you don't see the tears I cry.  (Give me back my Mother F-In Season 8!)

Lee or Bowersox for the win.  Peace out.


  1. check this out. apparently seacrest was even weirder behind the scenes:
    Apparently, Ryan was even stranger than we saw:

    EW Behind the Scenes

    And Adam B Vary promises a response from Adam about the Warwick comment. Will it be diplomatic? Or will it be Clay/Gene/Out response-like?

  2. i think ryan gets a little too excited around adam. idk, just something i noticed ...

    oh yeah, and when he talks about justin bieber!! ha ha!!!

    love lee. and of course chrystal

  3. Idol producer finally showed a moment of brilliance in having Adam as mentor on the night Crystal performed FIRST. I know *I* stuck around!!

  4. PS: Loved your song and I sang it all the way through!

    PPS: Why are they making Siobhan into a hip June Cleaver?


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