Well, the top 8 American Idol ladies sung their little hearts out last night (or did they?), and I, yet again, am left feeling underwhelmed. Once again, Crystal Bowersox was the redeeming factor of the night, and once again Katie Stevens failed to come out as someone who is confident in herself ("I chose this song because Randy said this and Ellen said that.") Oy vey. Do I need to buy a plane ticket to LA already and mentor these young lassies? Or, should I just save my pennies and stock up on some nice vinos? (I'm leaning toward the latter.)
Regardless, as I always have something to say, I give you my thoughts on last night.
Let me start out by putting a cap in the ass on my thoughts regarding Katie Stevens. I know the word "karaoke" is overused just like "artistry" and "pitchy" on this show, but Randy really was correct when he chose this word to describe Stevens' 8th rate performance of Kelly Clarkson's .... gee, what song of hers did she sing again? All I really remember was that she sang it F-L-A-T! I also remember Ellen's whack-a-doo critique: "You had the right song choice. But the words didn't suit you." Um, Ellen say what? Simon said: "You kinda sucked [long pause] the energy out." Wouldn't it have been great to have just left it at "You kinda sucked."?
Siobhan "the unlikely character" Magnus Connects. Even though Simon didn't think so, I have to say Siobhan was a small highlight of the night. Singing "House of the Rising Sun," Siobhan had the right formula. Personal meaning of the song (her Carlos Santana-esque dad used to sing it to her, aw) + Fearless Nature (I don't know if she is just clueless and doesn't care or is simply genius, but what does it matter?) + acoustic start = an Idol Moment. My one critique of Siobhan's performance didn't have anything to do with her ... but something with that other judge. After Kara sung her praises, Simon dissed her. After Simon dissed her, Kara did an about-face, interjecting "I don't know what kind of artist she is." Well, I don't know what kind of judge you are, Kara! What are YOU trying to say? How 'bout them apples?! (I got your back, Siobhan.)
Didi Benami and Lacey Brown give nice vocals ... that put me to sleep. I'm sorry, but I gotta disagree with Simon (and Kara) again here. They thought Didi had a moment with Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon"? I'm still waiting for it to take off. And is it just me, or did it seem like a total replica of her "The Way I Am" performance two weeks ago?
Katelyn Epperly. W.T.F. Oh, Katelyn. You really could be a contender. So why in God's name did you choose, out of all the songs in the world, Carol King's "I Feel the Earth Move"? Did someone trick you and say this would be hot and blow it out the box? I have no words. Just three letters. W.T.F.
Okay, let's just get to it already.
Crystal Bowersox. I liked her outfit. I liked the big ring. I liked the electric guitar. I liked the way she riffed over the last verse, infusing it with something soulful and unique to Chapman's original. So seriously. Give Me One Reason, Crystal Should Not Be The Only One Allowed to Stay Here?
(*Lilly Scott and Paige Miles also sang.)
So what did you think? Are you still looking for a remedy to cure your Idol ills? Did Ken Warwick send out a memo to the ladies instructing, "Pick a depressing song. Put our audience to sleep. That way, they won't focus on this season's lack of star power?" Why did Crystal sit on her guitar? Too confident or still sick? Can you think of a good reason why Katelyn chose that poor, poor song? Finally, do you think if Kara had a thought bubble at the beginning of the show when Ellen was sitting on Simon's lap, it would have read: "I'm trying to laugh and make it look like I'm not uncomfortable, but are you making fun of me, Ellen? You better get off him, Ellen. That's my shtick. Seriously, Ellen. You're making me jealous now. Aren't you a lesbian?" Do weigh in below. I'm off to pray for a miracle. Maybe Tim Urban will bring down the house tonight.