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Showing posts from March, 2010

American Idol: R & B Night ... What a Difference an Usher Makes!

Well three cheers for Usher, is alls I got to say about last night's American Idol, R & B Night. If only all of them would have heeded the advice of the sunglassed one, it may have been a perfect night. But alas, Tim Urban remains unchanged, and so I'll settle for a vastly improved night instead.
Usher on Lee: Believe in Yourself. Although he may think he still belongs in the paint shop, Lee Dewyze really has a shot at winning this whole shin dig. Oh, simply the song title alone "Treat Her Like a Lady" mixed in with that gritty voice = one hot and bothered Elizabeth. You can treat me like a lady, Lee. Any ol' time. (Okay, sorry if just made anyone feel uncomfortable there.) Usher and I just ask one thing of you: Believe in yourself! Simon told you this may be the night your life changes forever, yet I still think you will come out next week with the ever present look of fear in those glistening baby blues. Not to mention, your desire to eat your guitar pick ri…

American Idol Top 12: Results Show Recap - Superlative Style

Okay guys. The Idol Top 12 Results show tonight sent Lacey Brown packing, and I'll have you know, I am writing these words as she still sits in the silver chair next to Paige-Still don't know her last name. I either want to say Miles or Davis. Anyhoo, I'm pretty sure it's going to be Brown, so I'll just go ahead and start writing now. Bah-Bah Billy Goat.
I've decided to sum up our results in the form of Idol Superlatives because I saw so many of them come about tonight. So without further ado:

Most Funny:Randy Jackson! With a comedic imitation of Justin Timberlake. Hey, the dawg can be kinda funny sometimes.
Most Creative Braids: Katie Stevens. Was it a simple side braid? Was it a french braid in the back? Discuss.
Biggest Hint of Unwarranted Smugness: Tim f-in Urban acting like it was ca-razy Seacrest suggested he had an off night!
Most I Wanna Wipe That Damn Smile Off Your F-In Face: Didi Benami. Seriously? It's okay to talk normal, honey. You are not a ventri…

Fantasia Sings Superstition -- And I'm Likin' It!

I may not have watched her season, but damn, I kinda wish I had. After looking at this clip of Fantasia's take on the Stevie Wonder classic, "Superstition," I realize what Siobhan Magnus' performance was missing last week - the grit. Let this serve as some inspiration to you season 9 kids. Take a risk. Give it your all. Have fun with it. If you crash and burn or if you make the audience rise to their feet, at least you weren't boring! You go Fantastic Burrito (copyright, my dad). You go.

(Give it a little bit, and watch how the audience gets into this! To the end where they can't wait to get on their feet.)

Tim Urban: Get Out of My Life

Hey, can anyone tell me who went home on American Idol tonight? I know that's my job and all here, but you see, I'm not able to because I chucked my TV out the window and into my parking lot after Tim Urban's response to Seascrest's question.

Seacrest: Tim, if you could do it all over again after the judges' critiques, would you do it differently?


Tim Urban: You know, I obviously thought about that last night a lot (um, I doubt it), and I had so much fun (yeah, we got that) that no. I would not do it differently. (Aaannnd, goodbye to my flat screen.)

Okay, kids. Listen up. Elizabeth's number one pet peeve is the phrase: "I had fun." Like that is supposed to magically wipe away all of your suckiness. And I don't know if you're aware of this or not, but you are performing for an audience of 30 million people. Yeah, you got that? 30 million. You are not alone in your shower, living room, or wherever else it is legal for such suckiness to take place…

American Idol Top 12 (recap): Siobhan Magnus Gets it Rolling on Stones Night!

Here's something I thought I would never hear be uttered from Seacrest's lips: "Tim Urban fans. You're about to get your fix." FIX of WHAT?! And, I'm sorry, ... there are Tim Urban fans?! Um, okay. By the way, if you are in that 5 percentile, don't worry about voting for him. Because HE had fun, and that was all he was really worried about. (And that will be all the time I waste tonight on the crazy eyed Eric Stoltz look-a-like.)
As you can tell, I'm feeling nice and friendly tonight. So let me just go ahead and say, how about that Siobhan Magnus performance?! Dare I ask, is my Idol season 9 finally underway?! Because even though I had to wait over an hour tonight for the show to actually get moving (we'll ignore weeks here), while Siobhan was painting it black, she also managed to color Elizabeth happy!
Loved the combat boots. Loved the dress. Loved the combat boots with the dress. Loved that she is who she is. Loved that she made me for the first…

Happy Birthday!

Believe it, Krissy Poo.  My Reality Bit is 1 year old.  Happy Birthday to us.  Happy Birthday to us.  Happy Birthday to u-us.  Happy Birthday to us.

American Idol Finalists Revealed! Lambert, Epperly, Hall, Scott Eliminated. Along With My Idol Hopes and Dreams. ... sorta

(Our esteemed Top 12 ... Or is this what my nightmare looks like?  Discuss.)
This just in:  Fuzzy Mullet Boy, ... I really have to think a good 10 seconds or so before I can come up with their names .... Oh yes, Lilly Scott .... Katelyn Epperly (yes, that's the one), and oh let's see .... Todrick Hall went home last night on Idol.

Well, actually, this is kind of old news.  Reading some of the comments from my last post, though, I felt I needed to slap this one up here.  Given how long it took to remember who went home last night, I guess you could say, I'm not quite breaking out the Kleenex (as I once did for our beloved Allison Iraheta). 

Okay, okay, I'll admit.  I was a little saddened to see Lilly Scott go over Katie Stevens.  But then, before the silver-haired one even finished singing "I Fall to Pieces," I was already over it.  (I'm sure my mom begs to differ.  Apparently, she wants this stuff on wax.)  And yes, I felt perhaps a twinge of regret to s…

American Idol Top 8 Guys Perform: Mike Lynch and Andrew Garcia Will Keep Me Trudging On

(You rubbed me the right way, Andrew. Hang in there lil' camper.)
As I sit here today, I feel somewhat of an emptiness inside. I don't feel much need for hooting and hollering about the top 8 guys' performances last night on Idol -- despite the fact that many of the guys displayed marked improvement. But marked improvement from what, I ask? A stale bologne sandwich? Yes, I am in a state of flux. I'm pretty sure I have been let down week after week since Hollywood Week, but I'm also pretty sure Randy has already given a contestant a standing "O" this season(!?). And I'm sorry, was it my imagination, or did Kara DioGuardi actually cry last night?

Why didn't I feel the same? Alas, I will have to chalk these non-sensical waterworks up to stray dust bunnies from Simon's shirt (Lord knows she was nudged up close enough to it). (It's getting old Kara! Real old. And judging by the looks on Ellen's face, I'm pretty sure she concurs.) Even tho…

Idol Top 8 Ladies Perform: Crystal Bowersox ... Are you My Only Hope? (Recap)

Well, the top 8 American Idol ladies sung their little hearts out last night (or did they?), and I, yet again, am left feeling underwhelmed. Once again, Crystal Bowersox was the redeeming factor of the night, and once again Katie Stevens failed to come out as someone who is confident in herself ("I chose this song because Randy said this and Ellen said that.") Oy vey. Do I need to buy a plane ticket to LA already and mentor these young lassies? Or, should I just save my pennies and stock up on some nice vinos? (I'm leaning toward the latter.)

Regardless, as I always have something to say, I give you my thoughts on last night.

Let me start out by putting a cap in the ass on my thoughts regarding Katie Stevens. I know the word "karaoke" is overused just like "artistry" and "pitchy" on this show, but Randy really was correct when he chose this word to describe Stevens' 8th rate performance of Kelly Clarkson's .... gee, what song of hers…

Holy Crystal Bowersox: Original Music by the Season 9 Favorite "Farmer's Daughter"

Remember when Simon Cowelltold Crystal "Mamasox" Bowersox that they needed the contestants to be more original, and the AI virgin Bowersox innocently responded, "but they don't let us do original songs on the show." (Aw.) Well at the time, I kinda wanted to hear some of that original work of hers. So without further ado, here is an original Bowersox track, "Farmer's Daughter."

Yes, she drops the f-bomb in it (which I don't think Mr. Ken Warwick would like too much), but man is it good. Wish they did let original tracks on the show ... I think it would spice things up a bit, don't you? Go, Crystal. Hope you're feeling better!

American Idol Season 9 Results Night: Twitter Style (L8ter Sellers, Park, Headband Vaughn and Puffy Dress Girl)

(For s**ts and giggles, enjoy the above video. Hey, I got your back.)
Breakin' tonight down sweet and simple ... I don't tweet (yet?), but here we go, Twitter style. (I gots to get to bed early tonight, y'all. Promise for more like this though.)

Okay, seriously, Kara is stiched to Simon. (Memo to Kara: You are not nor will you ever be Paula.)

Oh, Gokey. (Hey, I guess I'll take it.)
Could the group intro number be any more pre-recorded?!

Didi is a wet noodle in the opening. Oh poor Alex Lambert in this!! The solos sounded robotic! This is like a mickey mouse / west side story mix! I'm so confused.

Sweet Casey James is wearing the pony tonight. So much better than the Mary Kate/Ashely Olsen hair.

Beautiful bottem end John Park first one out!! One of my predictions right. (By the way, they are Park, Sellers, Stevens and Brown.) No more lullaby time compliments John Park!

Seacrest sounds nasal-ie. Yes, Mullet Boy is safe!!! (humbled as ever.)

Dewayne Wade, I mean, Jermaine Sell…

American Idol: Top 10 Girls Perform (Recap) Crystal Bowersox is the LIGHT!

Well, the Top 10 ladies sang last night, and the Idol stage that was once was lost has now been found. What once was dark, has now been brightened because lo and behold everyone, Crystal Bowersox "IS The Light!" Well, at least according to Randy, and well, me. With a few others twinkling in the backdrop last night, season 9 is finally gaining a little (and I stress little) much needed momentum, and although it has been extremely slow in the making, at least we are headed in the right direction.

Crystal. Our Savior. Our Light. Our ... Truth? (Really, Randy?) Going first, Crystal set the bar extremely high with her flawless, soulful ("mama, I'm comin' home!") rendition of Creedence Clearwater's "As Long as I Can See the Light." It, like Crystal, was rock solid. And good for you, Simon, for pointing out that she didn't play the sympathy card. No, Mamsox, who had just been hospitalized for diabetes complications is one "tough cookie."…

American Idol: Top 10 Guys Take The Stage ... I Still Await Something To Happen (Recap)

Last night, our, I mean "the" (would you want to claim them?) "top" 10 guys took to the American Idol stage, "performed" and man, was it another doozy. A semi-improved doozy. But a doozy nonetheless. (It's kind of fun saying doozy.) Anyhoo, this morning, my friend, Pat, asked me what Andrew Garcia sang last night. I couldn't recall. Um, wasn't he someone I was super excited about this season? Now ask me what Adam Lambertsang at any point in time last season. Even what hairstyle he sported or whether he wore nail polish ... I could tell ya. Somewhere, somehow, at some point in time ... something has gone woefully askew. (There's a word Ellen. I love ya, but you gotta give me something more than "great" and "pushed.")

Really though. Where's the passion? Where's the fun? Where's the STAR power?

I don't even know if I can blame it on the contestants; the judges hand-picked these sad sacks after all. Not to m…

Crystal Bowersox Sick: Guys to Perform Tonight Instead

Change of Idol plans tonight: The guys will perform instead of our ladies. Apparently, Crystal "Mamasox" Bowersox is sick, so they had to pull a last minute switcher-oo. By all means, if our Lady Sox is sick, let's wait! She is one of the few that can actually sing! So I want her in peak condition.

I just wonder if those boys will try and use this as an excuse ... I can already hear Jermaine Sellers, "I wasn't ready because I had to go on a night earlier than I planned." (Of course this is all speculation, but don't dare throw MamaSox under the bus, Jermaine!)

Get better Crystal! (We need you!!)

My Reality Bit Is Getting A Face Lift!

Yes, you are at the right place.  My Reality Bit is getting a makeover to better serve you. (Plus, she just wanted to stay fresh!) Hope you like and pardon while she undergoes her plastic surgery. Unlike Heidi, we don't expect to do too many procedures, so bear with us! Thanks, Elizabeth

Look-A-Like of the Week!

She may not know what a dark horse is, but "funny little thing"Siobhan Magnus (American Idol season 9 contestant) sure does look a lot like Doctor Who'sBillie Piper, doesn't she?

Featured Video of the Week!