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American Idol, Season 9: Top 12 Girls Perform. Um, yeah. Bowersox Rocks While (almost) the Rest Flail.

Well, folks, if we took 10 steps forward the first night of Hollywood Week, we took 99 steps back tonight as our "Top" 12 girls "performed." Hey, does anyone know of any funerals going on, because I'm sure they would have been more uplifting than this depressing and tragic episode I endured tonight. Too harsh? Well, do you wanna relive Haley Vaughn's "I Wanna Hold Your Hand"? How 'bout Lacey Brown's "Landslide"? Yeah. Didn't think so.

Best performance of the night: Kara DioGuardi? Either I'm still sippin' on some crazy juice, or Kara has become likable. Was it just me, or did she actually give some really good advice and have relevant opinions tonight? Sadly, Ellen (or "E") didn't offer too much, so here's looking at you, K! Keep up the good work ... I won't hold me breath. Okay, okay. Love you, K. Girl power?

Worst: Um, everyone except Mamasox, Didi Benami and Katelyn Epperly (sprinkled even with a little Siobhan Magnus?)? A quick run-down of the sad sights tonight:

Paige Miles: Poor thing had to go first even after no screen time, which may have been a good thing given her winded "It's Alright Now" performance. Paige referred to pee and snot during her first impression (1st wrong); she couldn't complete one note (2nd wrong); and the judges praised this shiz? (ultimate wrong).

Ashley Rodriguez: "Happy" (Leona Lewis) -- Let me ask a couple of questions: Who is Ashley Rodriguez? What originality does she bring to the table? Seriously. Someone please clue me in. Because all I have seen so far is a Jordin Sparks wannabe. Been there, done that, Ash. Tell ya what. Here's a dollar. Go to the store and buy yourself an identity. In fact, stay there a while and let's see if we can usher in Angela Martin to fill your spot. Who's with me?

Janell Wheeler: "What About Love" (Heart) -- Oh, Janell. Where did we go wrong? I would have to say it was when you started showing a lack of confidence right before the final judges' Hollywood Week deliberation. First of all, don't be trying to steal Allison Iraheta's
Top 12 Girl "Heart Thunder." Mmm, k? Second of all, know your strengths: Your guitar and the tender inflections in your voice. You got it girl. Don't hide, and please buck up. You're better than you know.

Haley Vaughn: Incoming!!! We have a hot, Sanjaya-esque, country mess on our hands (if such a package is even possible). Somehow, Haley manages to fulfill all of those adjectives and somehow, she has managed to break the Top 12. (Somewhere, there is Angela Martin, petting her Haley Vaughn voo-doo doll, waiting for the right moment to save us all from this God-awful screeching. One pin prick to the jugular, Angela. Please!!")

Lacey Brown: If you rewind and look at the guys in the "dog pound" pit, they look like they're half asleep, and I'm right there with them. I mean, whelapso #DJS adlfjwoijgw. Oh sorry. Just drifted off there thinking about her depressing "Landslide" performance. I'm still pulling for you, Lacey. Get over those nerves, girl! And hey, don't disagree with the Sime. It does not bode well for you and your pretty eyes.

Can I just skip over Michelle Delamor (imitation "Falling" -- again, sorry Angela), and let's see who else ... Katie Stevens (wasted pimp slot, "Feeling Good" -- step to the Glambert? How dare you!)?

Let's get on to the good .. and slim pickins it was!Lily Scott: "Random" Beatles song ("Fixing a Hole") (check). Guitar (check). Cool earrings (check). A hint of sassy attitude (to Ryan: "I don't want to make you feel short.") (check). Wait, that last one is not a good thing. (Scents of Megan Joy filling my nostrils.) Anyhoo, Lily at least showed originality, but I didn't fall off my couch. I did, however, get a twinge of excitement over her tonight (even if that meant scaling over the wall of low expectations). Simon says he needs more "star power" from her, and I agree.

Didi Benami: "Way I Am" She always gives heartfelt performances and tonight was no different. And I'm glad she mentioned that it might be a good thing to tone down her waterworks as I fear for her emotional stability. Randy and Simon still weren't impressed and I do have to agree with Simon a bit when he said that a few of them are trying to sound too much like Adele and Duffy. Randy needs more "oomph." Easy there fellas. Let's take what we can get. (Sigh.)

Two Surprises of the Night: Siobhan Magnus ("Wicked Game") and Katelyn Epperly ("Oh Darlin'"). Both displayed strong voices and memorability. (Even if this means Epperly looking like a freshly blow-dried poodle who got into her master's red lipstick and Siobhan giving dead-pan interview answers. Does she suffer from a little Jason-Castro-itis I fear?)

Can we just get on with it already? Chrystal Mamasox Bowersox. Giving us all hope! (Wait, that was Danny Gokey last year, according to Kara. Sorry.) Chrystal sang Alanis ("One Hand in My Pocket") and did not fear to bust out the instruments (although I think her harmonica playing needs a little work. But who am I to judge?) What I liked most about Chrystal tonight, though, was the maturity level she displayed. After Simon told her a million people on the subway are like her (I beg to differ, Mr. Cowell!) and suggested she be more original by doing Bowie, Chrystal seemed to genuinely take it all in, digest it, and agreed. She also has never really watched much Idol before this, which seems about right. Kara said she was good, but knows she can be "great." Here here, Kara. I'm sorry. I mean, Ms. DioGuardi. (You go, girls!)

So what did you think of tonight? Did you consider changing the channel mid-way through to watch some figure skating like me? Who shouldn't quit their day job (even if that day job is a glass blowing apprentice?)? Did you think Kara was on top of her game tonight? Are we living in some alternate universe? Because seriously, what the hell happened to our ladies tonight? You better bring it boys! Or Elizabeth just might lose her will to live.


  1. What more can I say? As far as your new feelings of Karaisma coming from the judges table........I think her concentrated effort to not be so annoying, and the fact that the other female judge offers no real meaningful suggestions or critiques, are making her look good to us. Perhaps being a veteran now, she's relaxing into a real judge's role. I don't know, but at least we can't make fun of her today. I kind of miss that.

    I missed a lot of things last night.

    I was a little disappointed that Ellen didn't contribute more. I have never expected her to give any more than a music lover's review with a side of comedy, but.........last night she seemed nervous and stiff and not the quick witted, adorable Ellen that I love. Perhaps it was nerves. Let's hope so.

    Does it seem to you that the show is just too SERIOUS? The judges seem ready to pounce and their suggestions, while perhaps accurate, seem to reduce those poor kids to tears! They look like they are facing a firing squad. This is MUSIC folks!

    I did notice, as you pointed out, that Chrystal looked okay with herself and accepted Simon's Bowie suggestion with a "yeah...that might be cool" attitude. She seemed to be an exception though. The others all looked like they would have to go change their underwear immediately.

    Something to watch (no surprise). Next week, all of those given the "choose a song that no one would expect you to sing" will be told "that song choice was not good for you."

    Happens every year.

    I do agree...and I think Ellen even pointed this out, although it's not a new observation, many pick songs and outfits that makes them SO not current. Why do they do that? Maybe because the grandma's do the voting??

    I know it's the first week, but I surely hope that the contestants loosen up, look like they are enjoying themselves, and give us something GOOD to talk about.

    I miss Sanjaya. ;¬)

  2. I couldn't have said it better than you two already have. (I'll just be proud of myself if this post ends up in the right spot)! I'm with you two as far as Crystal and the girl that sang the Chris Isaac song... my favorites. And, I really felt uncomfortable for Ellen last night and I think that infected the whole scene!

  3. good point connie about it being too serious. that is something i hadn't thought of, but now that you mention it, yeah. that's what we're missing. some fun! (now i don't want the judges to start goofing around and draw mustaches on each other, but these contestants need to lighten up a bit!) janell wheeler looked terrified! love the underwear comment!

    now do you really miss sanjaya or are you toying with my mind?

    judy, you did it! ha ha. i'm kind of surprised you like shiobhan, but i guess given last night, she did seem better than the rest of them! she's kind of a dark horse and i will definitely be looking forward to seeing what she does next week.

    onto the boys!!

  4. You are so right, we need the judges to stay in the middle of that serious/fun highway. Not sure they can do that, given past experience.

    I miss the Sanjaya element of genuine fun and experimentation! ;¬)

    OMG it's Judy!! WTG gyrrrl!! I ♡ U!!


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