As I have been slightly (in Simon terms) "underwhelmed" with the Idol auditions of late, here's a new, fun little game I like to play. It's called: "Let's see how many times Pun Queen thinks she's funny by coming up with creative little plays on words (i.e., "boob-boxing") and/or by taking a song's title or lyrics and using same in witty little ways." In case you were wondering -- yes, I invented this game. And for those of you who might also be wondering who Pun Queen is, I'll give you a hint ... her mom makes a "mean saw-us." (Keep saying it. You'll get it.)
Alright. It's showtime!
24 minutes in, and I have grown worried as my ears have yet to hear the clever banter I have come to love. Ah -- there it is -- our first one of the night, folks!: "Jermaine -- you got something to smile about." (He made it through to Hollywood and he sang ... I'll give you one guess ... "Smile"!)
Waiting for more ... waiting for more. Oh my word -- the show is over and I only have one for my list! Could it be? It is at this point I realize Pun Queen has toyed with my emotions. How about we play another game so that I may fill some of this emptiness caused by that saucy little Queen? It's called:
"Let's try and pinpoint our most uncomfortable moment of the night":
1. Was it Randy telling Shelby Dressel they were kind of afraid of her? (She had a birth defect.)
2. Was it Mirror Eyeball Superhero man's friend claiming to be his "work assistant" and Ryan's strange reaction to it?
3. Was it Ryan picking the little round mirrors off of a sweaty Mirror Eyeball Superhero man's face?
4. Was it how hard Cornelius Edwards hit the ground, thereby splitting his pants? Guess they don't call them the splits for nothing.
5. Was it the song choice of "Fix You" that the producers decided to play during the whole background introduction package for the dad with an autistic son?
6. OR, was it the entire footage of "Amazing Grace" singer Jarrod Norrell getting cuffed as he lay on the ground and the uncomfortable exit scene that followed?
I'm going to have to go with #6, folks. My skin kind of crawled. For a second, I thought they were going to taser the fellow!
Feel free to ponder -- meanwhile, I shall leave you with a little more food for thought: Who are your ones to watch? I would have to say Janell Wheeler (a Scarlett Johansson look-a-like who sang "House of the Rising Sun") or Brittany Starr James (an Asia Epperson look-a-like who sang "American Boy"); who had the funnier audition of the night: Jay Stone with his sweet beat-boxing to The Beatles classic "Come Together" or that of the Jersey sisters? Although I would not to like to live in the same house as those gals, I could be an adopted guidette. They could call me E-Pow; lastly, just where the heck was Kristen Chenoweth? Both the first and second day of auditions? I'm still longing for more Shania!
You may have won the battle, sauce girl, but I shall win the war.