The Bachelorette: Wake Up and Smell the Roses, Jillian!

Oh for the love of god, could somebody please make sense for me the following confusions I have after watching last night's jam-packed episode of The Bachelorette?

Confusion #1: Why did Jillian keep Reid over Jesse? True, Jesse may be an "ice-box" who is a hard one to crack, as his cynical woolly-mammoth brother pointed out, but Reid's response of "yeah" after his dad asked him if he really cared for Jillian, was far more icy. The "yeah" even had that high-tone inflection to it .. you know, when somebody is trying to convince themself of something that they know has no chance in hell of being true?!

Confusion #2: Why do I not believe goody-two-shoes Jake came to visit Jillian on Wes' hometown date in Austin on his own merit? It reeked of producer conspiracy. I mean, how fake did his "conversation" with Tanner P. seem? Normally, you would hear the voice on the other end. (Perhaps Tanner just had a mouth-full of toes and couldn't talk. Ew.)

Confusion #3: Why am I all of a sudden finding myself a TOTAL Jillian FAN!?! I have seen the light and am over the whole accent and nose thing! I think the following occurrences in last night's episode have given me a whole new respect for our little squealy Jill. 1) Jillian sticks to being her good ol' "hillbilly" self when faced with the uncomfortable Kiptyn Clan. I don't know if it was the way she proudly claimed "And I'd do it again!" after falling prey to their hilarious little hot tub joke (gee, that doesn't get old, does it?), or if it was the way she coyly waved to Kip's mom as she was about to get in said hot tub with said mom's son, but all of a sudden, I was loving our bachelorette!; also 2) Jillian just seems (sorry for the over-used word) "real." Did anyone else notice how she called it "din" when she said "we're going to have to explain to them why we're late for din." Come on, Jillian, why you gotta be so cute! I wanted to hate. But you have made it hard. (And my heart just went completely out to her when she unwittingly danced to Wes' song that we have heard for the 18 millionth time, in her little red boots, holding her little beer, all the while, blowing the a-hole kisses.)

Confusion #4: Why do good girls always go for the bad boys?! Sigh. Jillian picks Wes over our adorable break-dancing (twin) Michael, who couldn't have been any cuter when he recited the three things he would tell Jillian if he got to see her again ("1. She's beautiful." 2. "I'm going to miss her." 3. "Just be happy."). Tear to my eye. Alas, Michael's sweetness couldn't make up for the lack of romantic chemistry, and Jillian, ultimately ingoring the pilot's cry, gives ol' Wes another shot. Wes. Oh. I curse the word.

Confusion #5: Ed is back?! Huh? Just when I thought I (and Jillian) had had enough, Ed decides to follow his heart and return. I'm excited though. Something about him ... I like.

So that leaves us with (fickle) Ed, no spark Reid, perfect Kiptyn (well, except for the family), and Wa-wa-wa-Wes. There. I said it! So what did you all think of last night's episode? Were you just as shocked when Ed came back? Did you then feel like you had been run over twice when our clueless Jill doled out another rose for Wes? Lastly, did you want to punch old Kip's mom in the face like me, or perhaps, just smear it in the lasagna?

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American Idol: Special Encore/Tribute to our King of Pop, Michael Jackson

Tonight, Fox, for the first time ever, will air a previous episode of American Idol -- the episode? Why of course the week our Top 13 performed Michael Jackson hits! Yes, this means, we will be able to revisit the energetic Danny Gokey performance of M.J.'s "P.Y.T." Not to mention, Adam Lambert's awesome take on a song with a deeper message, "Black or White."

I will be watching.

Rest in peace, Michael. Thank you for all you have contributed to the world of music and dance. But just saying "music" and "dance" doesn't seem to quite say enough. Indeed, you have contributed much more. I often mentioned the "star" quality of Mr. Lambert. But I do believe that we may never again see the likes of your Star Power. If we do, we will be fortunate.

[Of course, I realize there are many "haters" out there. Now I do not know for certain any wrongs Michael Jackson may have done. What I DO know is that he provided me with some GREAT, ground-breaking entertainment. In particular, his Bucharest concert, which I watched over and over again downstairs in my parent's family room. I believe in allowing a higher power judge. I can only judge by what I know.]

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The Real World ... Cancun. We're in Mexico, but We're Still Generic.

Well the Real World, Cancun premiered tonight and it provided a "plethora" (perhaps the wrong word choice here) of 21-year-olds reciting the tried and trite Real World-isms we should come to expect by now.

"Alright. Who's Gay?!" (First question giddily asked at the table.) This was followed by a series of high-fives because they also learn that they share the deep commonalities of single statuses and Hooters jobs.

We learn that Jonna is the token "hottie" who, go figure, has a boyfriend (and will try and make it work!). Let's give it two more episodes. I mean, hey, CJ already decided to end his relationship via e-mail after a night of roommate spooning. (For the record, I didn't blame his girlfriend for being upset; couches do, in fact, exist in Suite ME. Suite ME ... soon to be called Petri Dish Me.) As Jonna astutely noticed, CJ was clearly just looking for an "out." Way to last half an episode, CJ!

Who can I not STAND already?? The self-proclaimed "BFF's" -- the online winner with the jacked up teeth and her roomie, the little 80-pounder with the "Napoleon complex." (Their names escape me because, yeah, they were THAT generic.) My first inkling of my disdain for this duo sprouted with their "bestie confessional" -- because anyone who feels the need to proclaim right away, "We're BFF's" when you have 6 other roommates, clearly has some insecurity issues to deal with.

Second, and more importantly, they represent everything wrong with the gender double-standard that has existed in society for quite some time. Their outdated philosophy: Let's rip on the girl who hooks up with our roommate on the first night, but decide to give our male roommate (who claimed to feel "accomplished") a high five the next day for the very same reason. HUH? Come on "ladies" ... represent your gender a little better than this and get with the program.

Funniest moment of the show?: Bronnie ("like the paper towel") hooking up with the Sharon Osborne look-a-like. That moment was the only thing that kept me from chucking my tv out the window.

Your humble thoughts on the Real World Cancun?

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Quote of the Week

"Do you wash your fruits and vegetables? ... I don't."

Um, eewww.

Jillian was a smitten kitten on her one-on-one date with Reid (boy, he came out of the blue for me!); but did she really have to share this little fun fact with him? Come on now.

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Who Would Have Thought ...

that little pre-Idol, nerdy, Anoop Desai would become such a mack-daddy, landing a smokin' hot chick like Megan Joy?

You go, Anoopie! Giving hope to all nerds. And surprisingly enough, I kind of DIG these two together!

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Look-A-Like of the Week

Left, Actor, Chris O'Donnell
Right: Jesse (and my pick to win) from The Bachelorette

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SYTYCD: Top 20 Results

Please forgive me. I simply forgot the whole "Dance for your life" bit. Therefore, after the annoucement of the bottom three couples, I realized my prediction below would most likely be incorrect. Saki is a judge's favorite, after all. And Ravioli is way more powerful than Tony.

I personally thought Karla's solo was the weakest (running to do the next spin or leap without much substance in between.) But the judges decided to let Paris go instead. And I was not surprised when they said goodbye to Tony as well. If you recall, he has been said to be the one the judges "went the furthest out on a limb" for.

Now I'm somewhat emotionally unattached at this point. I mean, we are no way near the Allison Iraheta stages, folks. Here, however, are the standout moments of the night:

Cutest Moment: Phillip and Jeanine's embrace after they were announced as safe. You would have thought they won the whole darn thing! And the way Phillip walked over to Cat, all the while Jeanine just clinging to him like a little doll, was simply adorable. (And why all of a sudden am I finding Phillip sexy?! That is something I NEVER thought I would say!)

Weirdest Moment: There was a professional Tango couple that came out and did their thing. There was even a cool spin move up to the shoulder at the end. But what was up with the chick after it was over?! Were her lips sealed so that she could not even fake a smile?! I sensed Cat's discomfort.

Worst Moment: Um, remind me to never attend a Sean Kingston concert.

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SYTYCD: Predictions for Tonight

Kind of hard to predict as everyone came to play, but I'm going to have to go with Saki and Ravioli as the two who go home tonight ...

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Look-a-Like of the Week

Left: Julie McCollough (from Growing Pains)

Right: Caitlin Kinney (SYTYCD)

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SYTYCD Recap: All Aboard the Hot Tamale!!

Well I gotta say, when Cat Deeley announced our Top 20, with introductions like "Heeerrree's Karla!" and the audience can't even give an oval of applause ... well, let's just say I was worried. Unlike by the time a viewer reaches, oh I don't know, let's say an American Idol Top 13, we, as SYTYCD Top 20 viewers really don't know who these dancers are yet! (With the exception of wavy arms Phillip, of course). But by the end of last night's show, I found myself singing a different tune (oh wait, we're over that singing show; okay, I found myself dancing a different jig?)

Since we are at a full Top 20 (ay-yi-yi!), I'm going to break it down old school and give the recap from beginning to end ... as we are still in the getting to know ya phase. So without further ado ... I present your Top 20 highlights:

Haven't I kinda seen this before?: They start us out with Phillip (probably because he is the most recognizable), who apparently grew up popping "to the sound of construction outside of his house." (You gotta love a dancer's passion!) He is paired with Jeanine. Um, who? Well, she's in a pretty purple dress in that clip. And, oo, her wavy brown hair is really pretty. They dance to a Napoleon/Tabitha hip hop routine, a.k.a., a replica of Chelsea and Mark's "Keep Bleeding Love" routine from season's past ... right down to her jeans and big-tongue high-tops! But Jeanine did prove to be a cutie, and as all the judges agreed, she certainly "held her own!" (And may I add, Napoleon in his tight white shirt was looking damn sexy in that audience! Why have I never noticed him before?)

Luck of the Draw: Next is Saki and Ravioli. I mean, Asuka and Vitolio. They danced to a staccato-type Tyce D'Orio number. The problem here though was that it was set to some real old school jazz, sans words. In my humble opinion, these type of routines never really translate to the audience, despite how good the dancing is. Even Judge Adam mentioned the luck of the draw, and Mary said they both played it safe. I thought Nigel was going to agree with me when he said the problem wasn't with the dancing [it was with Tyce's song choice], but he chalked it up to lack of personality on behalf of the dancers. I disagree.

Goo-goo for Ga-Ga?: Now had Saki and Ravioli been allowed strobe lighting and a chart-topping hit like our next pair, Jonathan and Karla, maybe they would have received better reviews. Unlike Mary and GaGa, I didn't find this Poker Face number "rough and fun"; instead, I found it rather soft and boring. But it sure did "beep" Adam up. I'm going to attribute such accolades to pimp lighting and pimp song choice. We shall see how such elements will come into play ... just you watch. But, hey. I do spy a nipple through baby Jon Jon's sheer white shirt. Now that's kinda fun. I'm just sayin'.

It's a Family Affair?: Aw, next we find a perfect pairing with Unitard Girl and Evan. I mean, how cute was Evan when he said, "To Randi's husband -- I'm sorry in advance. I mean no offense .. she's great!" And how about his super sexy move in the beginning of the sultry "I Only Have Eyes for You" number? The judges loved it, but picky little me could have used some more eye contact from Randi to Evan and less hair whips. Maybe she was just mad because her husband was not there to support her on her big television debut ... WTF? At least we were able to depend on Evan's adorable bros.

Paris (the big girl?) and Tony (Mr. Personality) have some cool, fluid movements to a smooth rendition of the Black Eyed Peas "Let the Beat Rock." We learn that Paris is numb from the knee down in her left leg. Interesting. We learn that Tony's stank face isn't quite as gangsta as it needed to be. I agreed with the judges ... these dawgs needed more rebound in their attack! And oh that Nigel, with the clever word play: "Their stank stank." Good one, Nige.
Bollywood to Hollywood!: Next is Caitlin and that yummy Jason (the guy I predict to be this season's Danny Tidwell). Now is it just me, or does Caitlin remind you of Julie from Growing Pains. You know ... Julie. The one who wrote Mike that "Dear John" letter, saying it was cold feet as to why she couldn't marry him. Just a thought for anyone who remembers it old school. Anyhoo, they danced to a cool Slumdog Jai Ho routine, complete with sparkly costumes and the most intricate handstand I have ever seen. And ooohh, that kiss at the end! Day-um. I have to say I enjoyed watching Caitlin more, but apparently "Jason's charisma just reek[ed] out of those eyes. Woo-hoo!.. Yes ya did!" (Um, is Mary Murphy just plain crazy ... or, ... is Mary Murphy just plain crazy? You decide.)

Bringing it down from the Jai Ho: Janette and Brandon got their fox trot on to some Michael Bubbles. What is it about this girl? She just does not excite me .. despite her scissor kick that i have seen about twelve times now. And i don't know if it's her bangs, her Paula (from Real World/Road Rules) nose, or how she has to try and do a sexy salsa move every time the judges compliment her ... but she just bugs me! Oh yeah, Brandon wore clothes. Mary made a joke about not being able to smile because of her botox (which got way more laughs than it deserved), and the judges thought the trot was hot. Why do I have a feeling Janette is going to be my Gokey, I mean, contestant to whom I like to give special attention this season? ....

WADE! Oh yeah, baby. Wade Robson and Kupo in the same room?! That Ashley is one lucky girl. In the tradition of Wade, we are granted new insights and witness something we have never seen before. Painted head-to-toe in white, Ashley and Kupo transform into crash test dummies, dancing to the idea of "living as if they've never been hurt before." Strange or not, Wade is truly genius. (I liked it. As did the judging panel.)
Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number: Melissa (the 29-year-old -- and, therefore, "seasoned" -- ballerina) and Ade (he had a pick in his hair) dance to a Mandy Moore contemporary routine. No, the music was not set to the vocal stylings of pop-tart star Mandy Moore; it was set to those of non other than ... Richard Marx? Really? Did I all of a sudden flip the channel and stumble upon So You Think You Can Dance, circa 1989? While I didn't think it that memorable, it brought Adam to tears, and got a screech from Mary.

Now that finale's got some SPICE!: Kayla and Max end the show, and holy tamoli -- Kayla! She apparently has never done ballroom before, and the girl KILLS it! Watch out Chelsea Hightower. I see this girl as the next Dancing With the Stars cross-over. Her neon pink fringe and her platinum blonde hair looked all too perfect together as Max held her in that dip at the end. Spicy indeed. No surprise. These two were the first to get tickets on the Hot Tamale Train.

Wow! I forgot how much I actually like this damn show! So what did you all think? Who will find themselves on the caboose of that hot tamale train tonight? Who were your favorites? Did anyone else get annoyed with Nigel's lip movements being off with the audio? And do you also find it annoying when the dancers try to come up with all their little clever ways to finger puppet their voting number? How about the background in Melissa and Ade's number? Did it strangely resemble Superman's ice lair? Just where was Mia Michaels? Lastly, are you aboard the SYTYCD train like me? All aboard I say!

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Question ...

For those of you fortunate enough to have been following the hilariousness that is "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!", I've got a question:

"When in the hell did Heidi and Spencer become such Jesus freaks?!?!" It is rather disturbing. No?

And I have to say, probably one of the funniest moments we will witness on tv this year is when Stephen Baldwin baptized Spencer Pratt. Click here if you haven't seen this gem. This show is priceless! Despite all of the "Hallelujahs" and "Praise Jesus's", I was sorry to see the Pratt's go ... (for the third time).

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Adam Lambert on the Cover of a Rolling Stone

"I don’t think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear that I’m gay,” Lambert says in the new issue of Rolling Stone, hitting newsstands this week. For the rest of the story, click here.

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The Bachelorette: Vancouver, Vulgarity and Girlfriend-Gate

So how about that Bachelorette last night? It was so good, I had to put up a post.

Last night's highlights included the men leaving the bunkhouse, and, like the Jeffersons, they moved on up to a dee-lux bachelor pad in Vancouver. Being that this is Jillian's hometown, she of course was ready to greet her men with the old stand-by squeal, while unfortunately wearing one of the most heinous dresses I've ever seen! It makes me wonder if these guys are really feeling our little girl-next-door, or are they just in it for the free helicopter rides?

The first guy sent packing last night was Mark ... or was it Mike? I kept getting these two guys confused. Anyhoo, after boozing it up on a mountaintop (wherein Jillian pulled a Cher Horowitz and stepped into some bad lighting -- rewatch if you don't know what I'm talking about ... Jillian looked like she aged about 15 years in this segment!), it is the baseball camp owner who must ride the gondola of doom home. (Hey, it beats a bus!) The pizza guy somehow managed to stay ... probably because of his sob story about having his heart broken ... something which Jill is all too familiar with.

And after a "who-done-it" Clue-inspired cocktail party, Jillian also sends home crazy Dave and light-in-the-loafers, Juan (shout out to you Steph.) Oh, crazy Dave. This guy proved that first impression roses may not be all they were once cracked up to be. Storming the house, Incredible Hulk style, dropping constant "f-bombs", throwing ice into empty highballs, and proving at a moment's notice, he would rip Juan's face apart ... it's no wonder why Jill cut him. Oh wait. She didn't cut him after that moment. No, Jillian thought she would wait one more episode so that Dave could compliment her by calling her a "liar" after she did not seem to share in his "ass" enthusiasm. Dave also revealed that he loved how Jillian "doesn't give a f**k" because she just sits there with her "t**ts" hanging out. Wait a minute. You mean these are NOT terms of endearment? Huh.

But it was fitting that Dave was sent home packing alongside his nemesis, Juan. And while I was afraid of possible altercations while this duo exited, it didn't compare to the fear I found myself having as a result of Tanner P.(aranoid). Hello?! Was anyone else afraid he was going to pull out some pistols he possibly had hidden from the Western movie date, and shoot up the place? I mean, homeboy was a little on edge to say the least. His eyes all crazy and red. Exclaiming "I swear to God, Juan, if you f**king look at me one more time ...." Alls I gots to say is, YIKES! This loose cannon, I feel, is one to watch out for in future episodes. The little foot-freaky snitch might be his own demise.

So what did you all think? Does one of Jillian's gentlemen callers secretly have a girlfriend back home? Or are all of the guys just jealous of Wes and trying to spread nasty rumors about him like a bunch of high school girls? Did you all of a sudden find yourself developing a major sweet spot for wine maker, Jesse, despite that unfortunate white newsboy cap? And how about break-dancer Michael on the curling date? That s**t was hilarious! Lastly, how much did you relate to our little Jill when she did her happy dance behind the door after kissing Kiptyn goodnight? We've all done it ... haven't we?

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Quote of The Week

"He's an Artistic Type -- LaBry is an interior designer and a painter, but 'he is super normal and down-to-earth,' the source says."

This little tidbit comes from an article titled "5 Things to Know About Adam Lambert's Pal Drake LaBry"by Aaron Parsley.

Watch out for those interior designers and painters guys. They are roaming the streets and seem to be a rare, crazy breed! By the way, Mr. Parsley is a writer for People. Huh.

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SYTYCD: We Have Our Top 20!

So in case you missed it, here is the list of this season's SYTYCD Top 20!:

1. Janette Manrara (The Cheryl Burke wannabe?)

2. Vitolio (The guy from Haiti who might win our hearts over.)

3. Kayla Radomski (The girl with the cute grandparents.)

4. Kuponohi’ipoi ‘Kupono’ Aweau (Hmmm... maybe we'll just call him Kupo? And do we like him better post-mohawk shave? I'm still deciding...)

5. Paris Torres (#5-9 all came as a breeze ... we really don't know anything about these guys yet.)

6. Jenine Mason

7. Karla Garcia
8. Ade Obayomi
9. Jonathan Matero

10. Brandon Bryant (Um ... Mia anyone?! She couldn't even applaud for him when they told him he made it through?! I.D.K. I like this controversial contestant so far ... I mean he reminds me of the dude straight out of Amistad.)

11. Tony Bellissimo ("Mr. Personality" but lacking in the dance department. He did the hilarious "Who's Watching" bit with Nigel's picture ... I think America will find themselves rooting for this guy.)

12. Maksim Kapitannikov (Maybe he could pair up with Janette ... you know, the name and all.)

13. Caitlin Kinney (I called it! This Kinney sister is the one who made it ... she's a "fighter" afterall.)

14. Melissa Sandvig (Um .... who is this chick?)

15. Jason Glover (Don't know much of his personal story, but I have a feeling he is going to be this season's Danny ... (and I ain't talking about Gokey!) I'm talking Tidwell -- you know, Danny. From SYTYCD-Season 3? I hearted him!))

16. Ashley Valerio (Again ... not sure who this girl is, but, apparently, she has tried out four times, so kudos to her!)

17. Randi Evans (One word - Unitard. Okay. Mia redeemed herself from the Brandon fiasco here. Her unitard comments had me cracking up! Poor girl -- she will now forever be known as "Unitard Girl.")

18. Philip Chbeeb (Wasn't this guy on last season? Why do I feel like he's always present on this show with all of his wavy arm movements and gi-nor-mous lips? Well, he promised us we would see something "we have never seen before" ... perhaps a new finger twitch?)

19. Evan Kasprzak (YAY!!!! Again, I called it when I said my gut told me Evan would make it as opposed to his charming, ever-so-cute, supporting big bro, Ryan. Albeit, Ryan did suffer from a major case of the sweaty pits, but he was very endearing nonetheless.)

20. Asuka Kondoh (The girl who the judges just LOVE! My jury is still out on this ballroom chick. I found myself silently rooting for the blonde girl ...)

So what do you all think of our Top 20? It's about to start ... and our little blog here will be up and running again!

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Look-A-Like of the Week

Left: Ed from the Bachelorette

Right: Actor, Craig Bierko (you know, the "jazz guy" from Sex and the City who liked to "play" Carrie)

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Quote of the Week

"I'm here to suck on some toes and meet some Jillian!"

-Foot-fetish dude, Tanner P., from this season's Bachelorette

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