Skip to main content

I'm Just a Girl on American Idol, And It's a Bitch.

Well, the tissues are used up. As well as the toilet paper. And even, yes, the paper towels. Damn my nose is sore. But you know what's even more sore? My little heart. Because last night, our Allison Iraheta was taken from us, leaving me to absently wave at my TV, thinking Allison could actually see me, and leaving us to face the unfair truth that Gokey is, in fact, a top three finalist. Yes, my friends, I am all cried out.
Now I have been seeking out my words of wisdom to share with you all so that we may come together, embrace what has happened, and move forward.

Allison was "Just a Girl" in this big Idol world, and, indeed, it was hard for her to fight the man. The man being the show that is American Idol. The man being the a-hole that is Simon "no my face is not stuck like this - I just always look pissed off because I'm a piece of poop" Cowell. (I would love to have called him something more than a piece of poop, but I will keep it PG. Well, maybe I can call him whatever Allison did last night. I mean, did she really get BLEEPED?! You go girl!)

That small victorious moment aside, I cried. I wept. I even let out yells and howls that resembled very much something like Gokey's cat-mating scream from Tuesday night. Ooohh. Musn't relive that. Musn't relive the scream that once was referred to as something out of a horror movie, to now something that has become the most comical moment of Danny Gokey's life! Well gee whizz, Danny. I'm glad you could take so much comfort in how freakin' HILARIOUS your scream was. Good for you! Really. But, I'm sorry. Isn't this a SINGING competition and not Last Freaking Comic Standing?!

I digress.

Allison will move on now to bigger and better things. Let us just take solace in another fourth place finisher, Chris Daughtry. Very poetic that he performed on last night's show. And let us not forget, Allison absolutely KILLED her second-go-round of "Cry Baby." Not that Tuesday's wasn't magnificent, but last night's was simply awesome. That's right! Rub it in their faces! Forget those judges who didn't see your personality. Forget that they didn't give you parting words of wisdom. You just listen to big brother, Adam. And that other Rock God, Slash --"You're only 17? That kicks ass over most 30 year-olds I know." Well said, Slash. Well said. And, Allison, your thumbs up with that big cheese-er-ific grin during your exit package was so chock-full of bright, shining personality traits -- well let's just say, I had to borrow Slash's sunglasses (allowing me to witness what lurked beneath. It wasn't pretty). Way to go out with style girl! I look forward to seeing you around soon.

So what did you all think of the horrifying results show? Are you comforted? Or are you still angry? And did it just make you want to cry even more during Allison's performance to see her mom with no rhythm? Oh bless her. It was almost as cute as Elliot's mom. (More tears filling my eyes.) In the words of push-up queen, Gwen, have you "had it up to here" with undeserving contestants being pushed and pimped because they were hand-picked (by lip-syching judges) early on as the "chosen ones"? Did you find it strange that Kris Allen presented Chris Daughtry with the platinum record because, as Ryan pointed out, both of their names are Kris/Chris. Um, okay. Finally, just how cute was it when Adam said he loved his outfit?! I melted. And one more final note, will you miss Allison as much as me? Take care everyone. We will get through this.


  1. rockmusic5/08/2009

    Oh Alison is gone but not forgotten as her bluesy rock chick music will shine again on the radio and on cd. As Ryan always says "America this is your vote" Alison fans did not vote. I hope this does't happen again next week for we have to keep Adam here or the rock portion of the show is done for the season. So vote people! Please vote.

  2. Anonymous5/08/2009

    I'm so torn that Alison is now gone! I was really wishing it would be her and Adam there at the end...:( But I take comfort in knowing that we'll be hearing from her again!

  3. At least Allison is now free from the hypocritical commercial juggernaut that is American Idol. She'd have had to go eventually, since it's blatantly obvious Adam is going to win. AI didn't want a final with two mind-smashing rockers, I guess.

    Anywhoo. Bless you Allison. Bring out that record soon, and don't forget to include another duet with big bro Adam!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

American Idol Results: Adam Lambert PERFORMS!!! Oh yeah, and There Was a Double Elimination.

Okay, guys, here we go with the Idol results.  Am I the only one who is sick of these results show intro package fake-outs?  You know, wherein they try and make us believe like there were Holyfield vocal TKOs last night?  (Cut to a judge exclamatory:  "Yo, those vocals were hot!!"  Then cut to Andrew Garcia holding a mic that looks as if it just turned gold right before our very eyes.)  Um, am I living in some crazy Harry Potter land?  Because I'm pretty sure this does not accurately reflect what went down on performance night at all.  But then again, I guess if they show what really went down, it would not pump me, the viewer, up.  Unlike those high voltage group sings ... those aren't watered down or lip sunk at all.  Oh what's that?!  Ms. Sleepy Weird-Eyed Gal Herself, Brooke White, and some dude I've never heard of are set to sing tonight?!!!  Well somebody better hold me back! 

Okay okay.  Who peed in my Fruity Pepples, right?  I am excited to see Adam …

American Idol Inspirational Song Night: Crystal Bowersox Cries. I Finally Feel Something. (Recap)

Considering I kept busy on my computer all the while Idol played out tonight on my TV screen, only giving the occasional glance up to notice that Lee Dewyze got his hairs cut, Kara got her hairs styled in a flattering manner that I can't quite put my finger on as to why they were so flattering and Simon's buzz cut looked especially unflattering ... I guess you could say it was all one big unnoticeable snooze fest until Crystal "Mamasox" Bowersox took the stage. So really, all I care about commenting on is her for now.

Wicked Mic Stands and Wet Eyes: Now I don't know if Crystal got overly wrapped up in the spirit of today's date, but someone should have told her pot paraphernalia is not allowed on the Idol stage. Oh, I keed. I keed. Crystal's extraordinary mic stand was made from an old lamp with which she always used to perform in her pre-Idol days. Could that sentimentality be what brought on her sudden outburst of tears at the end of her emotional "…

American Idol: R & B Night ... What a Difference an Usher Makes!

Well three cheers for Usher, is alls I got to say about last night's American Idol, R & B Night. If only all of them would have heeded the advice of the sunglassed one, it may have been a perfect night. But alas, Tim Urban remains unchanged, and so I'll settle for a vastly improved night instead.
Usher on Lee: Believe in Yourself. Although he may think he still belongs in the paint shop, Lee Dewyze really has a shot at winning this whole shin dig. Oh, simply the song title alone "Treat Her Like a Lady" mixed in with that gritty voice = one hot and bothered Elizabeth. You can treat me like a lady, Lee. Any ol' time. (Okay, sorry if just made anyone feel uncomfortable there.) Usher and I just ask one thing of you: Believe in yourself! Simon told you this may be the night your life changes forever, yet I still think you will come out next week with the ever present look of fear in those glistening baby blues. Not to mention, your desire to eat your guitar pick ri…