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I'm Just a Girl on American Idol, And It's a Bitch.

Well, the tissues are used up. As well as the toilet paper. And even, yes, the paper towels. Damn my nose is sore. But you know what's even more sore? My little heart. Because last night, our Allison Iraheta was taken from us, leaving me to absently wave at my TV, thinking Allison could actually see me, and leaving us to face the unfair truth that Gokey is, in fact, a top three finalist. Yes, my friends, I am all cried out.
Now I have been seeking out my words of wisdom to share with you all so that we may come together, embrace what has happened, and move forward.

Allison was "Just a Girl" in this big Idol world, and, indeed, it was hard for her to fight the man. The man being the show that is American Idol. The man being the a-hole that is Simon "no my face is not stuck like this - I just always look pissed off because I'm a piece of poop" Cowell. (I would love to have called him something more than a piece of poop, but I will keep it PG. Well, maybe I can call him whatever Allison did last night. I mean, did she really get BLEEPED?! You go girl!)

That small victorious moment aside, I cried. I wept. I even let out yells and howls that resembled very much something like Gokey's cat-mating scream from Tuesday night. Ooohh. Musn't relive that. Musn't relive the scream that once was referred to as something out of a horror movie, to now something that has become the most comical moment of Danny Gokey's life! Well gee whizz, Danny. I'm glad you could take so much comfort in how freakin' HILARIOUS your scream was. Good for you! Really. But, I'm sorry. Isn't this a SINGING competition and not Last Freaking Comic Standing?!

I digress.

Allison will move on now to bigger and better things. Let us just take solace in another fourth place finisher, Chris Daughtry. Very poetic that he performed on last night's show. And let us not forget, Allison absolutely KILLED her second-go-round of "Cry Baby." Not that Tuesday's wasn't magnificent, but last night's was simply awesome. That's right! Rub it in their faces! Forget those judges who didn't see your personality. Forget that they didn't give you parting words of wisdom. You just listen to big brother, Adam. And that other Rock God, Slash --"You're only 17? That kicks ass over most 30 year-olds I know." Well said, Slash. Well said. And, Allison, your thumbs up with that big cheese-er-ific grin during your exit package was so chock-full of bright, shining personality traits -- well let's just say, I had to borrow Slash's sunglasses (allowing me to witness what lurked beneath. It wasn't pretty). Way to go out with style girl! I look forward to seeing you around soon.

So what did you all think of the horrifying results show? Are you comforted? Or are you still angry? And did it just make you want to cry even more during Allison's performance to see her mom with no rhythm? Oh bless her. It was almost as cute as Elliot's mom. (More tears filling my eyes.) In the words of push-up queen, Gwen, have you "had it up to here" with undeserving contestants being pushed and pimped because they were hand-picked (by lip-syching judges) early on as the "chosen ones"? Did you find it strange that Kris Allen presented Chris Daughtry with the platinum record because, as Ryan pointed out, both of their names are Kris/Chris. Um, okay. Finally, just how cute was it when Adam said he loved his outfit?! I melted. And one more final note, will you miss Allison as much as me? Take care everyone. We will get through this.


  1. rockmusic5/08/2009

    Oh Alison is gone but not forgotten as her bluesy rock chick music will shine again on the radio and on cd. As Ryan always says "America this is your vote" Alison fans did not vote. I hope this does't happen again next week for we have to keep Adam here or the rock portion of the show is done for the season. So vote people! Please vote.

  2. Anonymous5/08/2009

    I'm so torn that Alison is now gone! I was really wishing it would be her and Adam there at the end...:( But I take comfort in knowing that we'll be hearing from her again!

  3. At least Allison is now free from the hypocritical commercial juggernaut that is American Idol. She'd have had to go eventually, since it's blatantly obvious Adam is going to win. AI didn't want a final with two mind-smashing rockers, I guess.

    Anywhoo. Bless you Allison. Bring out that record soon, and don't forget to include another duet with big bro Adam!


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