Well I never thought I would use the word "cute" to describe Idol's Rock Night, but Rock Night turned out to be just that -- too stinkin' cute! With the exception of my ears bleeding from Gokey's solo, the night overall was a delightful hand-wrapped pink package of cuteness. Okay, maybe not pink . . . but a hand-wrapped black package did not sound right.
As expected, rockers Allison and Adam were no disappointment. And as far as the whole pimp slot thing goes, well, I guess Adam eventually had to serve his time in slot number one, but we will prove that it doesn't matter because Adam HAS to be safe. He just has to. And if he's not . . . I will start a riot. Man. Listen to me. I'm saying things like "WE will prove" and "I will start a riot?!" I'm all of a sudden picturing myself leading that riot, wearing nothing but some heavy eyeliner and a sign, draped from my neck, that reads "Glamberts Unite!" -- perhaps just marching up and down my street because the FOX studios are too far away, but I will be marching no less.
Adam KILLED Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love." And to those Adam-haters who want to argue, "well this was HIS genre," I reply, "why then has he killed every other genre?" Let's just face it, Gokey lovers . . . Gokey was bad. He was REAL bad.
In fact, I am still hiding under my blankie, sucking my thumb, afraid to come out because I fear Gokey is standing over me . . . watching. Waiting. Luckily, I pulled my computer under the covers and am able to finish this post. And then . . . it's Godspeed, Elizabeth.
Yes, Gokey lovers. I'm sorry. But that rendition of Aerosmith's "Dream On," well . . . I have no words. (Shocking, I know.) Slash was right when he set it up, pointing out that "everybody is going to be waiting for [that scream] at the end. If you pick that song, you better be able to do it." Yeah, I'll admit -- I was nervous. Paula's dancing, building it up even more, didn't help either. All the buildup while, I'm thinking, "why has he chosen this song?! It's not going to work!" Sure enough. As soon as it was "dream on! dream on!," I found myself drifting off into a nightmare. But -- I would rather not relive it. After all, my poor ears were bursting with mini blood rockets. Now, now. I know that's gross guys. But Simon did compare the performance to a horror film, and that is exactly what was going on in my living room. (Even still, considering I'm about to have a reenactment of Psycho on my hands because I still believe Gokey to be by my bedside.)
Now I have predicted a Gokey fourth place finish, and if there's any justice in this crazy world (after tonight's performance especially), that is exactly what will happen. But I am getting the feeling that this season's fans are so passionate about their chosen contestant, it may not be about the quality of individual performances anymore. . . rather, it may have become more of a war -- drawing the battle lines between "Team Adam" and "Team Gokey." (Guess which t-shirt I sport?)
Wow. I got off on such a tangent there, I forgot to talk about the whole "cuteness" factor. And this comes in to play particularly with that other contestant who performed -- the lovable Kris Allen. Remember him? I just wanted to embrace Kris tonight and tell him, "there there, Kris. Don't you worry about those evil judges. You just come with me and forget about little blonde wifey." (I keed. I keed.) But poor Kris really took a beating, didn't he?
After the extremely cute "Renegade" duet he did with Danny (I don't know why guys, it was just cute!), Simon simply critiques, "Danny was better." And with just those three little words, all of the life in Kris Allen got sucked right out. Sure, he tried to buck up afterwards, performing "Come Together" by the Beatles (it fits because it's "classic rock" people), but after Simon then compares Kris' performance to "eating ice for lunch [because] it leaves you with nothing to remember afterwards," Kris just looks completely beat down and lifeless. Watch out for those Simon Suckers, Kris. They'll get ya every time.And while Allison was stellar singing Janis' "Cry Baby," her "Slow Ride" duet with Adam stole the show! And really people, could their embrace at the end have been any cuter? "She's like my little sister," Adam said. Aw! Gee guys. You're killing me here! And I must say, I LOVED Allison's sassiness after the judges told her that they thought she didn't pick the right song. For those of you loyal myrealitybit followers, you know that I can't STAND the SASS! But Allison did it in a manner that was so endearing, so darn cute, it made her more lovable than anything else. Of course I started shaking in my boots as soon as she started out with the whole, "it was Jefferson Airplane. And Piece of My Heart has been done." But as soon as she threw her hands up in the air, and told Simon, "you always say I should talk more, so maybe I should talk a lot. You just want me to let go," I wanted to tell her, "you had me at hello, Allison. You had me at hello." It was precious. Almost as precious as the pig-tails she was sporting during her meeting with Slash (how CUTE were those?!).
So what did you all think of this crazy Rock night? Should Adam have gone first? Do I even need to ask which duet you preferred? Was it obvious that Slash was referring to Adam when he said he only wanted to mentor because this season had a couple of standouts? Who would be the other one? Did you just love the moment when Kris said he wanted to pee his pants after meeting Slash as much as I did? And last but not least, who do you think DESERVES to go home?