Holy S-R-A-P! (Thank you, Brande, for demonstrating that maybe Joan was right on Ellen, when she said, "Brande couldn't even spell 'mom' backwards.") Whether you want to argue Brande as a "dumb blonde" or as a genius on the verge of some hot new catch-phrase, it doesn't dispute the fact that Holy SRAP!, we said goodbye to THREE peeps on the Celebrity Apprentice last night . . . leaving us with the FINAL TWO: Annie Duke (who I think was an obvious choice) and Ms. Joan Rivers herself! Guess this "geriatric comedienne" finally cooled her jets after last week's firing of her precious chick-a-dee. And while I realize Joan's actual punchline was "cluck, cluck, cluck . . . SPLASH" -- seeing that Donald didn't crack a smile after she delivered it, I'm changing it to SPLAT. For the sake of this article's sense (and because I don't want to upset the Donald!).
First Chickie to go SPLAT: Clint Black. I'm sorry . . . but how satisfying was it to see Clint finally lose? And on a music challenge no less!? I'll admit, I thought KOTU was a shoe-in. I (along with everyone else it seems, besides the Chicken of the Sea reps) liked his jingle better. But Clint's demise was his lack of listening skills. Everything was his way or the highway. Sure, maybe Joan shouldn't have been such a wuss and confronted Clint a little more herself instead of using poor Jesse as a decoy, but I say Que Sera, Sera. I was happy to see the weasel go!
Second Chickie to go SPLAT: Brande Roderick. No surprise here. Brande proved in last night's Chicken of the Sea advertising challenge to be utterly useless! I mean, what did she contribute besides annoyingly singing every five seconds?! True, it is easy to become a puppet when working alongside Poker-Master Duke, but come on! And Brande did not help herself in trying to fight the dumb blonde stereotype by saying things like "bills and whistles" (did anyone else catch that?). But hey, maybe she is just trying to walk in the path of Jessica Simpson's greatness. ("Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.'")
Third Chickie to go SPLAT: Jesse James. As much as I would have liked to have seen ol' tight-lipped James in the final two, I am excited to witness Annie and Joan battle it out. (Coincidence that it's these two who remain, considering they loathe each other? Most likely not.) But Jesse did prove to be a disappointment in the boardroom, lacking the intensity and drive needed to win. I just wanted to shake him and say, "come on man, loosen one of those shirt buttons, smile a little, and get some fire under that there belly!" He is, in my opinion, genius when it comes to advertising and being a silent leader, but DID YOU KNOW . . . I just don't see him rallying those celebs for money. A shame too considering who his wife is (but we heard enough of that already from Pierce and Donald).
So, for next week's finale, we are left with Joan "sound bite queen" Rivers and Annie "yes there IS an "I" in team" Duke. (That is, unless she doesn't decide to run off to try and pursue a career in professional music. If I had to hear about how much she liked HER damn jingle one more time ... I would have ripped my own hair out. No I take that back. I would have ripped Donald Junior's hair out . . . a little more grease on that head, and I could have fried me up some french fries! Eeew.)
So where do you all weigh in? Are you happy with the final two? Who would you like to see become the Celebrity Apprentice? And did you notice (like me) the many glorious sound bites this episode provided? In fact, I'll inject a mini-quiz here. Which one was your favorite sound bite?:
1) "I am now doing it the way Helen Keller would have done it." (- Joan, after being told by Black she wasn't allowed to speak while holding her sign)
2) "Any team Annie is on is spelled t-i-i-i-i-i-i"(a-m, mouthed silently)." (- Joan speaking of the woman she refers to as worse than Hitler)
3) "Annie can do everything you know . . . the task should have been walking on water." (- Joan)
4) "Does it make you wanna go eat some tuna?" (-Clint Black to Ivanka)
5) "I guess it's just me and you bitches. Do you guys want to play checkers?" (-Jesse James)
6) "Tuna in a pouch? I don't like that." (-Donald Trump on the brand they are trying to promote.)
Finally, as Annie and Brande sang along to their jingle, and Donald danced, did anyone else have flashbacks of his SNL House of Wings skit?! You gotta love it! Please answer these important questions below.